Fortune Tea
Hi all, I'm Olivia, and I'm not going to do the traditional author introduction for my first blog post (after all, that's kind of the point of the About Me section, right?) I just want to jump right in and say...
I'm not necessarily someone who believes in miracles or predetermined sequences of events, but something cool and of the coincidental sort happened to me today:
Long, long, long story very, very, very short, I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. Juggling two very active bands, a full time corporate job, and family/friend obligations leaves little time for mental health check-ins. I've been noticing how anxious I am, how little quality sleep I've been getting, and how little time I spend (be it by schedule restriction or by choice) thinking about next steps in life. I'm trying to better myself in so many ways because I know I'm not happy. I know where I want to be and what it takes to get there, but it all seems like too much. Despite, my active lifestyle and pursuing a dream (something I've realized is rare as I get older,) I'm not confident in the woman I am today.
As such, I set the bar high for myself and expect myself to immediately achieve the following:
I'm not necessarily someone who believes in miracles or predetermined sequences of events, but something cool and of the coincidental sort happened to me today:
Long, long, long story very, very, very short, I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. Juggling two very active bands, a full time corporate job, and family/friend obligations leaves little time for mental health check-ins. I've been noticing how anxious I am, how little quality sleep I've been getting, and how little time I spend (be it by schedule restriction or by choice) thinking about next steps in life. I'm trying to better myself in so many ways because I know I'm not happy. I know where I want to be and what it takes to get there, but it all seems like too much. Despite, my active lifestyle and pursuing a dream (something I've realized is rare as I get older,) I'm not confident in the woman I am today.
As such, I set the bar high for myself and expect myself to immediately achieve the following:
- Learn basic guitar theory
- Write one song per week until the end of the year
- Become a morning person (HA!)
- Figure out how to move to New York and DO IT
- Should I try to keep my current job and transfer to the ny office, even though I hate it?
- Should I try to get a service job at a bar/coffee shop, so I have more time for music?
- Will they hire me if I've never been a bartender/barista before?
- Should I pick up a second job now while I'm in Philly so I have experience when seeking a service job in NY?
- Can I handle having two jobs, keeping up with my bands, and ensuring I have enough time to enjoy the holiday seasons?
- Should I find another job altogether in NY?
- I should apply for two jobs per week
- Lose 15-20 pounds
- Cut back on drinking
- Become a meal-prepper
- Start reading regularly
I think I could keep going, but you get the picture. Anyway, I'm trying so hard to do all these things simultaneously and getting nowhere...understandably. And then I get frustrated, which only feeds my bad habits. It's mentally and physically exhausting. It's self-sabotage really.
~~* Okay. Back story is out of the way *~~
I took a break from trying to write today to go down and make some tea. I usually drink Yogi tea, with the fun little sayings attached to the string. Honestly, I usually don't even read the sayings, but today I did. It said, "Peace of mind comes piece by piece." As seemingly obvious as that sentiment is, it was so needed in that moment, and it really made me pause and think, "Olivia, what the hell are you doing?"
It took something as silly as a teabag fortune to realize that my problem all along has been that I'm trying to do too much at once. It's unrealistic to take on that many personal challenges. I'm not going to magically become a gym rat in the span of a week; I can't go on a crazy low-sugar diet around Thanksgiving/Christmas...let's be real here; I'm not going to become a guitar shredder after watching one YouTube video. Progress takes time...and that's okay. It's okay if I can't bring myself to go to the gym every single day at first. It's okay if I sit down with the intention of writing a new song and come up with nothing. The point is, even if the output isn't as grand as what I had expected, I still improved, whether or not the experience wound up producing something tangible.
It's important to have big goals, but it's even more important to be able to turn that intimidating Self-Improvement check-list into one that is simpler, more manageable, and can be achieved in the short term. (This is actually something my therapist recommended to me a few weeks ago, but I guess I needed to stumble upon this idea myself for it to really sink in.)
Given the fact that we're nearing the end of the year, I think MY manageable checklist can be:
I took a break from trying to write today to go down and make some tea. I usually drink Yogi tea, with the fun little sayings attached to the string. Honestly, I usually don't even read the sayings, but today I did. It said, "Peace of mind comes piece by piece." As seemingly obvious as that sentiment is, it was so needed in that moment, and it really made me pause and think, "Olivia, what the hell are you doing?"
It took something as silly as a teabag fortune to realize that my problem all along has been that I'm trying to do too much at once. It's unrealistic to take on that many personal challenges. I'm not going to magically become a gym rat in the span of a week; I can't go on a crazy low-sugar diet around Thanksgiving/Christmas...let's be real here; I'm not going to become a guitar shredder after watching one YouTube video. Progress takes time...and that's okay. It's okay if I can't bring myself to go to the gym every single day at first. It's okay if I sit down with the intention of writing a new song and come up with nothing. The point is, even if the output isn't as grand as what I had expected, I still improved, whether or not the experience wound up producing something tangible.
It's important to have big goals, but it's even more important to be able to turn that intimidating Self-Improvement check-list into one that is simpler, more manageable, and can be achieved in the short term. (This is actually something my therapist recommended to me a few weeks ago, but I guess I needed to stumble upon this idea myself for it to really sink in.)
Given the fact that we're nearing the end of the year, I think MY manageable checklist can be:
- Work out for 30 minutes, 4x/week
- Write one song per week (writing exercise)
- Only buy lunch once per work week
- Once I'm in bed, no more phone
I'll start there, see what I can achieve in, say, a month, and then I can introduce new challenges. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to stop beating myself up so much. I know what I'm capable of, and I think those 4 tiny goals are going to initiate a meaningful, positive, and more importantly, sustainable change in my character.
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